Imaginary Friends: Not Just for Kids
Sometimes when talking with a client about childhood trauma, I ask them to imagine:
If a fairy godmother were able to freeze time and have a heart-to-heart with you in that painful moment, what would she say?
People willing to indulge in this seemingly silly exercise may find immediate, profound relief. Where they might have internalized the message "you deserve to suffer," they hear "you deserve love and protection." Where they may have believed "life is miserable," they are told, "it's going to be okay."
I might help flesh out this fairy godmother: what does she look like? Does she have a name? Or we might work with a different image: perhaps a peripheral supportive figure from childhood, such as a teacher, neighbor, or relative who brought comfort. What did it feel like to be in this person's presence? What was the expression on their face, the tone of their voice, the smell of their clothing? How did you feel about yourself when you were with them? What would they say if you could turn to them for help?
Even a neglect survivor who cannot recall a single positive figure from their childhood may be able to identify a celebrity or fictional character they look up to. A Queer Eye fan might imagine their favorite Fab Five character as their own life coach. What would Karamo say?
Simple as it may sound, this thought experiment can shift our emotional state. We access our higher self's wisdom and compassion. We remember that there are good people in the world and we are not alone. Fantasies that cultivate helpful beliefs and positive emotions are for people of all ages.
