Disclaimer, FAQ, Resources, & Contact
Just a practical post for reference. Please review this before asking me a question directly, as it may already be addressed here.
Disclaimers
1. Some therapist, not your therapist
I think this is pretty well understood by most people, so I don’t mean to be patronizing by stating this, but it might be necessary for some people to know. Every now and then I receive a request on the internet, usually on Twitter, that asks me to step into my role as clinician. For instance, someone I am not personally acquainted with recently DM’d me a screenshot of someone else I also do not know, and asked me for my thoughts on that person’s mental condition. To clarify:
I do not diagnose or treat mental health conditions over Twitter, my blog, my future podcast, or otherwise on the internet outside of formally arranged therapy sessions.
Much of my writing is about psychology and counseling, and my thoughts on many disparate topics I discuss online are usually influenced by my expertise in this field. However, my public writing and speaking is a creative outlet for me to express my ideas. While it is adjacent to my counseling practice, it is not therapy, nor is it a substitute for therapy.
Counseling relationships are private. I do not share details about clients online, nor do I interact with clients over my blog, social media, or podcast; that would violate their confidentiality and constitute a dual relationship. I only work with a limited number of clients, and all of them must be in Oregon where I am licensed. To become a client, a person first needs to submit an inquiry via my website or email, be offered a consultation by myself or my assistant, meet with me on a secure HIPAA-compliant video platform, and determine if it’s a good fit. If it is, the client is then sent documents to complete in a patient portal. These include consent forms, intake questionnaires, and payment information. We schedule weekly or biweekly appointments — 55 minutes for an individual, 75-90 minutes for a couple or family, or a 75-90 minute recurring group session. The first appointment is a diagnostic assessment and treatment planning session although it often feels just like normal therapy. Appointments are paid for and/or billed by insurance. Formal, private documentation is kept. To maintain professional therapeutic boundaries, I do not socialize with clients outside of therapy, and this includes over social media.
If the above process has occurred, then you are a client. Oregon law states that no other contact may occur — no friendship, business arrangement, etc. — between a therapist and client for at least three years post termination of therapy, but the general rule of thumb is once a client, always a client. The boundaries are maintained unless there is some unavoidable reason to breach them — for instance, if my stepkids become school friends with the kids of a former client, then we will have to navigate that somehow.
If the above process has not occurred, then you are not a client, and I do not diagnose or treat you for any mental health condition. I offer thoughts and perspectives, but not counseling or medical advice.
That being said, you can take the therapist out of therapy, but you can’t take the therapy [mindset] out of the therapist. It’s just a part of who I am and it will continue to show across various settings.
2. There is no sure fire path through a crisis
Without getting into too much detail, I have recently encountered some criticism over a sense that I was giving advice about how to handle the gender crisis that could possibly backfire. To be clear, again I believe it would be overstepping to consider my insights advice per se; but moreover, part of what makes this crisis a crisis is that everything is high stakes and any path could backfire. If there were a way to guarantee a desired outcome, people desperate for solutions would have found it already. My aim is to reflect and empathize with the complexity, desperation, confusion, pain, frustration, and helplessness of families and individuals caught up in this crisis. Any insights I share are coming from that place and my best efforts to help, not from any premature and foolish sense that I have found a secure solution.
3. Gender isn’t the only thing I care about
Again, perhaps this goes without saying, and I do not mean to condescend. It’s just that I’ve gotten so involved in the gender crisis as of late that I think some people have come to believe this is my sole focus. As such, sometimes it feels there is a high demand on me to help in every way I can, and to be able to display a level of competence with these issues that is virtually unattainable. I have spent at least a dozen hours a week, on average, for the past year, researching and writing about these issues, and I utilize the best of my skills developed from other domains, but there is no way to be fully competent in such a rapidly emerging novel crisis. I am grateful for the many hard working people creating the excellent resources listed below. If you find my work insufficient, please turn toward other resources, or offer feedback that is kind and constructive, understanding you are speaking to someone who is on your side, doing her best to help, and learning as she goes. The fact that I have not mastered competence in this particular arena does not make me unqualified to do my job. I jumped into this crisis because I saw a need for it and believed I could help. I’ve developed confidence in my clinical skills over years of cultivating competence through building relationships with clients that help them achieve positive outcomes. However, I make no claims to perfection, nor do I make any commitment to making this my sole focus. I do have other interests and will speak and write about those too.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Can you help me/my loved one/my family with our issue?
A: Likely not, I’m afraid. Most of these inquiries I receive are from outside of my state or even country. I am only licensed to provide therapy to residents of Oregon.
If you are in Oregon, you can find more information about my practice here. As of February 2022, I am not accepting new patients. I’ve got a busy year ahead, including a big move in a few months, so I can’t foresee when I will be able to open up space in my schedule again. I’ll update my website when my availability changes.
I am, however, accepting Oregon ROGD parents into my parent support group. This group currently meets every other Thursday from 5:00-6:30 online. This is subject to change as demand for the group grows. I may make the group longer or more frequent.
To inquire about group, please email stephanie@realtalktherapypdx.com. Your email will initially be handled by my virtual assistant, so please don’t share anything too personal. When you register for group, my assistant will send you intake forms and grant access to your patient portal, where you can share information for my eyes only.
Q: Can you help me in some other way, outside of the context of therapy?
A: You are free to submit a question for me to answer publicly on my blog or podcast, or suggest an idea for a topic or prompt you would like me to address. I cannot guarantee I will address it, but I am interested in knowing what my readers & listeners want to hear about. I am considering options for scheduling a one-time, non-therapeutic consultation for those who are interested in my work and would like to speak privately about an issue of concern. If you are interested in this option, let me know and I will consider adding it.
Q: I see a problem in my community I want to tell you about. Will you address it please?
A: I am only one person and I am working on simplifying my life. I encourage you to utilize your own intelligence, courage, and creativity to address the issues in your world with your own voice and skills. Feel free to use my work for inspiration, or circulate my articles however you see fit.
Q: When is your podcast going live?
A: I had initially hoped to launch in March, but there’s a lot else going on, and I’m not going to stress myself out to meet an arbitrary goal if other priorities need to take precedence. As of now I have several episodes recorded, a helpful team, graphics, a website under construction… but there are a lot of finishing touches left to complete, so I can’t say exactly when.
Q: I’m an activist who believes you are harming people. I am infuriated with you and I want to do everything in my power to stop you from continuing with your career. I genuinely believe I am doing the right thing and protecting innocent victims from terrible perpetrators. I am on the right side of history and you are on the wrong. How do I report you to the board?
A: Here you go.
Q: Can I be on your podcast/have you on my podcast/interview you?
A: Feel free to reach out and we’ll see if it’s a fit!
Q: Are you interested in affiliate marketing?
A: I am interested in promoting ethical goods & services I can stand behind that improve the quality of life for my podcast listeners. If it is related to wellness, self care, mental health, relationships, and so on, please feel free to suggest your product. I prefer affiliate links & promo codes that offer a discount or free trial to my listeners.
Q: Why did you block me on Twitter?
A: If I have blocked your account on Twitter and you don’t know why, there are several possible reasons:
I sometimes block clients on social media platforms to maintain professional boundaries as a matter of course. It’s not personal.
Because there are people on the internet who have made threats against me, I sometimes use mega-block as a way to protect myself from hundreds of accounts at once. There are some tweets that would strongly suggest that anyone liking them would be antithetical to the views I espouse on the internet, and would not be open to learning new things. Mega-block allows me to screen potential threats, but it is possible that this method is not foolproof and may sometimes result in blocking people I would not actually have problems interacting with.
Sometimes I block accounts that appear to be bots. Friends have taught me how to recognize this: accounts that have a lot of numbers in the handle, few followers, and/or tweets/retweets that could be bot-generated. However, sometimes I may block an account that appears to be a bot, but is not.
Finally, sometimes I block people who are rude. Even if we agree on certain topics or have dialogued in the past, I have boundaries about how I wish to be treated, and am not on Twitter to engage in a nasty battle.
If you believe I may have blocked you in error and you think it’s important for us to connect over Twitter, feel free to contact me outside of Twitter.
Contact
You may email stephaniewinnlmft@gmail.com and your email will be handled by my assistant. I cannot guarantee a response to all inquiries. If we have discussed setting up a meeting for podcasting or other purposes, my assistant will make sure that happens!
Resource list
Parent Coaching with Sasha Ayad: “I recognize there is great need for advice and support when parenting a gender-questioning child. How can you honor your child’s developmental needs for exploration and identity formation while continuing to prioritize their overall wellbeing and physical safety? How do you set boundaries while also providing opportunities for autonomy and experimentation? How can you sift through the noise and listen to your parental intuition regarding demands for a new name, pronouns, wardrobe changes, or even medical interventions? These are the kinds of questions I explore in depth on my Parent Membership Site. There you’ll find full-length videos, articles, book recommendations, and other helpful resources for parents of gender-questioning teens and young adults.”
Gender Dysphoria Support Network: “The Gender Dysphoria Support Network (GDSN) is an international group that aims to offer psychoeducation and support to families of individuals affected by gender dysphoria. Our support network recognises the difficulties presenting the person with gender dysphoria and also recognises that friends and families can be in need of emotional understanding and support.”
Genspect: “an international alliance of parent and professional groups whose aim is to advocate for parents of gender-questioning children and young people.”
The Gender Exploratory Therapy Association: “We are here because those who are exploring gender identity or struggling with their biological sex should have access to therapists who will provide thoughtful care without pushing an ideological or political agenda.”
Stats for Gender: “Gender [data] at your fingertips. The sources we use are selected for their reliability. We mostly use peer-reviewed papers; however, we occasionally refer to government-commissioned studies, authoritative bodies’ submissions to governmental commissions, published books, or doctoral theses. In a few cases, we provide references for the purpose of debunking unreliable data. As this is an emerging field of research, the information on this page may develop over time. Statistics for the transgender population are often difficult to quantify as different definitions are used to describe the term ”transgender”. Our focus is to underpin the statements we provide with sound research. We know that these statements cannot comprehensively cover every topic; however, this initiative is intended to bring some much-needed clarity to this area of study.”
Partners for Ethical Care: “a non-partisan, all-volunteer, grassroots nonprofit organization comprised of individuals from across the globe. We come from across the political spectrum and put differences aside to work toward a common mission. We are funded by individual donors, and we are humbled by their generosity.”
Society for Evidence Based Gender Medicine: “Our aim is to promote safe, compassionate, ethical and evidence-informed healthcare for children, adolescents, and young adults with gender dysphoria.”
Gender Dysphoria Alliance: “Evidence-based education & advocacy network. Negotiating community. Building bridges. A new way forward for those with gender dysphoria.”
Trans Trending with Aaron Terrell: a blog by a trans man who questions & examines social trends.
Billboard Chris: “I’m a father of two girls and I decided to take a stand against gender ideology. Children should be free to be who they are — not indoctrinated to believe they were born in the wrong body. Puberty blockers are the first step in a medical pathway that brings physical harm to children. We are lied to about the effects of these drugs, and the cross-sex hormones which almost always follow. As the High Court in England recently laid out, children cannot give informed consent to these harmful, life-altering drugs. Our politicians refuse to listen, and our media refuse to report, so I’m having conversations with Canadians, one person at a time.”
Parents with Inconvenient Truths about Trans: “We publish stories written and edited exclusively by parents with first-hand experience in the upside down world of gender ideology. PITT is a space for parents that have been impacted by gender ideology to share their uncensored stories, experiences, and thoughts, while remaining anonymous to protect themselves and their families. Our objective is to inform the public about the devastating impact of gender ideology on our families through our personal experiences.”
Detrans Voices: “a project dedicated to providing support and information for people detransitioning and/or desisting from transgender self-identification.”
Trans Widows Voices: “A trans widow is a woman (usually heterosexual) whose male partner or husband believes that they have a gender identity other than “man” or who cross dresses. Often women also report having experienced that their husband or partner has autogynephilia (AGP). Women in this situation report feeling like their male partner has died. This is particularly the case if their partner or husband came out as trans' and decided to transition. The transformation is usually so complete that their partner is unrecognisable as the man they married, both in looks and in personality. The woman will be forbidden from calling her husband by his previous “dead name”. Women in this situation need a label to gather around and to identify with. “Trans widow” is the name that we have chosen and it is enabling us to find each other. This site is not currently a support group, we exist to share the experiences of trans widows. However, this is something that might be developed in the future, time and resources permitting.
Dr. Lisa Littman: “Dr. Littman is a physician-scientist whose research is focused on gender dysphoria, the experiences of people who desist (or re-identify) after identifying as transgender, and people who detransition after gender transition. She is known for coining the phrase, “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (also called ROGD) to describe a phenomenon that has been observed by clinicians and parents, and has been acknowledged by several detransitioners.”
Dr. Laura Edwards-Leeper: “a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in working with gender diverse and transgender children, adolescents and adults.”
Dr. Erica Anderson: a transgender woman and clinical psychologist who recently resigned from WPATH and expressed concerns along with Dr. Marci Bowers.
Books:
Irreversible Damage: the Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters, by Abigail Shrier
The End of Gender: Debunking the Myths About Sex and Identity in Our Society, by Dr. Deborah Soh
Podcasts:
Gender: a Wider Lens Podcast: “Two therapists explore the concepts of gender, identity, and transition from a psychological depth perspective.”
Transparency: “A podcast by the Gender Dysphoria Alliance. Join us for a compassionate yet heterodox approach to the question of trans.”
The Witness: True Stories of Children and Gender Identity
I also recommend googling the individuals mentioned here to find their blogs, tweets, YouTube interviews, and more.
To suggest a resource you think should be listed here, contact me (see above).
Legal recourse (Added 3/18/22):
Transitionjustice.org
Childparentrights.org
