Detachment and Liberation
And now for something a bit more esoteric.
Today, I made a move that surprised me.
If you would have asked me a month ago if I wanted to speak with a certain person, I would have asked how soon we could schedule a meeting. Today, I respectfully declined.
So, too, I couldn’t have guessed that I would find myself not wanting to participate in a certain network that I very recently felt excited about. And yet, today, I got a simple, clear, “not for me.”
It’s good to surprise ourselves every now and then. It means we are growing, not stagnant. We are present in the moment, open to new information, and willing to wait to discover what our next move should be once life has placed us in the right position to know.
We can all learn to listen to that inner knowing that tells us what’s actually right for us — not what we think should be right for us, nor what our egoic narratives about ourselves tell us represents who we should be.
It’s incredibly freeing to know where your guidance comes from, and how to listen to it. Being able to trust that inner knowing above all else means there is an immutable power within you that you can rely on to tell you where to go.
Here’s where it’s about to get woo.
In the esoteric system of Human Design, there is a concept called “inner authority.” It describes the part of us we should ideally learn to listen to and trust for information as to what is right for us.
For many people, inner authority is emotional. It comes in waves, over time. Emotional authority needs to be felt, heard, observed, witnessed, cherished, embraced. However, what an emotional person feels in one moment is not necessarily an indicator of what they will feel in the next; it does not convey the whole picture. As such, it would be premature to act on one part of the feeling cycle. The emotional waves must be allowed to ripple out over time before the person receives clarity as to what is truly right for them, especially when it comes to major choices, such as one’s partner or career.
For many others, inner authority is sacral. It comes from that inner gut magnetic pull of attraction and aversion — the sounds of “yum” and “yuck,” “mmm” and “grrr,” “ooh!” and “yikes!” that resound from a person’s core in response to the situation of the moment. A person with sacral authority should learn to listen to that inner voice that tells them whether they really want to get closer to something, or push it further away. When they fail to act on this gut knowing, they inevitably become frustrated. When they trust their sacral instinct, they achieve satisfaction.
Then there are rarer forms of inner authority I won’t get into, save for my own, which is called splenic, as in, arising from the spleen. The spleen plays an important role in the immune system, which itself plays an important role in keeping us alive. The immune system’s fundamental job is to distinguish self from not-self, health from disease, friend from foe — and it must be able to do so as quickly as possible. One can take their time choosing a partner or a dinner restaurant based on sacral and emotional desires, but best not dilly dally when faced with a sudden invader. Splenic authority, then, is associated with the primal wisdom that keeps even lizards alive. More rapid and cleanly decisive than the oozy desires of the sacral center; free of the distractingly rich textures of emotion; splenic intuition is pure, instantaneous instinct. A non-emotional, splenic being can turn on a dime, forming a jagged sharp turn like the movements of bats and bees. And that is exactly how I pivot.
Sounds creepy, I know. I just compared myself to an emotionless lizard. What am I, a sociopath?
No, I’m an overwhelmingly sensitive being. In this conceptual framework, and to my mind, lacking emotion does not make one uncaring. It opens the door to tremendous amounts of empathy and emotional wisdom. The trick for a non-emotional being is to be able to distinguish that the emotions we are so open to are not our own, but those of others. It is easy to take in emotions, take them on, and amplify them, when we actually do best to reflect them with compassionate detachment. Emotions, for us, are not a valid source of guidance on how we should make our own decisions. Emotions do not tell us about ourselves; they tell us about other people.
It can be difficult for a splenic being to separate oneself from the influences of more dominant authorities, such as emotional and sacral. Splenic intuition, while it can be striking in its movements, is subtle and quiet. The guidance doesn’t perpetually arise in one’s awareness with repeated messages nagging until you get the hint like it does for emotional types. Nor does it shout, “eww, gross!” when something feels off like it does for sacrals.
Splenic authority is like a snap of the fingers that happens only once. You have to be alert to listen for it. If you hear it, your only option is to act on it right away. If you don’t hear, or don’t act, you might be out of luck until another moment arises.
If your inner authority is splenic, you likely recall many times that you suddenly pivoted on a dime, only to find that by doing so you escaped a danger you couldn’t have consciously predicted, or soon been pleasantly surprised with a serendipitous act of fate. That has been the story of my life, enough for me to trust my instincts today.
The ways that the emotional and sacral centers communicate seem luxurious to those of us who lack such rich guidance. The spleen is stark by comparison. But at least its message is clear, and reliable once we are in the habit of listening. While emotional authority evokes passions such as love and anger, and sacral evokes desires such as lust and appetite, the spleen simply has two modes: calm and fear.
Today, my spleen hit the panic button. It sparked a fear reaction I found difficult to control, telling me something was wrong with a situation. I felt like I was in trouble. To be clear: there was no immediate physical danger present.
So what good could come from this? What is the benefit of sudden, profound fear?
Well, today, I was able to rapidly pivot and suddenly discover a willingness to let go of something I thought I wanted. Once I did, the fear dissolved, and I felt calm and clear again.
Attachment can obscure reality and restrict our movements. The mind has lots of ideas of what we could or should do. The ego cherishes its most prized notions of what kind of person we should be, and what that kind of person would do. But none of those stories are necessarily the truth. Sometimes, in order to discover the truth, we have to get quiet and listen to what’s real, not to our stories about reality.
My stories tell me that I am the sort of person who should be connected to so-and-so and such-and-such. But how am I to know that’s true? So-and-so and such-and-such may be quite related to things I am interested in, or the direction that I believe myself to be moving in. But are they my people? Do they need me? Do I need them? Now?
Can I know for sure that over there is where I should be? Is it possible that I am needed elsewhere?
Does this person really need to be my friend — or would I feel far more welcomed or appreciated by someone the next street over?
Might I be destined to help or be helped in some other domain? Bound to discover an inspiration or an innovation I never could have come across where I was before?
It doesn’t take a whole lot of life experience to humble us to the pragmatism of these questions. How many of us have, at some point or another, wasted regrettable amounts of time and energy trying to make things work with a partner who was in retrospect a terrible fit, only to later discover how much more easeful and satisfying a compatible relationship feels?
When things don’t work out as we hoped they would, it’s natural to feel disappointed, chagrined, or discouraged. But improving our ability to slide and pivot gracefully in unexpected circumstances can only help. Sometimes we face rejection, but as they say, rejection is redirection. What if we were to embrace every twist of fate, however seemingly disappointing, with an alert mind that is open to discovering new possibilities of where we might end up?
Today, my splenic authority kicked in and told me what to do, and I felt liberated. All at once, I was able to detach myself from a situation I thought I was “supposed to” be involved in, only to discover that my participation there was completely optional and I was free to walk away at any time. All it took was listening to what my sudden fear was telling me, and processing my inner guidance with a supportive and insightful friend. It was so freeing to just go — oh, I don’t have to be here.
I am in the middle of a rich life, with plans, intentions, and ideas. There are certainly some potential tragedies that could devastate me, while many things may go swimmingly according to plan or better. But as for what’s in between? I am open to discovering, not just where I think I belong, but where life might spontaneously guide me to be, through that inner knowing I’ve learned to rely upon.
To knowing yourself, and trusting your instincts. Cheers, friends.
