Brain-food For Bleeding-hearts
If you reserve your compassion only for those you view as “less fortunate,” and unquestioningly hold in casual contempt those who you view as more successful or “privileged,” your compassion isn’t compassion...
It’s pity and scorn, disguised as compassion, in the name of justice.
You cannot truly wish well for those less fortunate. Once they cross the inarticulate and arbitrary lines you’ve drawn in the moral sand, they cease to qualify for your compassion. If they become successful, they may even meet your criteria for contempt.
When once-victims fare better than you, will your attitude be one of celebration or of envy?
You’re happier remaining the righteous rescuer in the never ending drama of victims and perpetrators. Who would you be without someone to pity and someone to scorn?
The blithe, over-simplistic, juvenile rigidity of your moral certitude is ripe for exploitation. Any scoundrel deficient in moral fiber can manipulate others by playing the victim. By clinging to your narratives, you may be several layers deep into hell before you realize who the victims and perpetrators really are.
And here’s the cold hard truth: there’s no such thing as a pure rescuer.
Rescuers are Perpetrators: arrogant, naive fools who self-righteously bully people who have taken responsibility for overcoming their own obstacles and becoming self-sufficient. Ironically, many of these people have been victims in unimaginable ways. But by not clinging to victim narratives for a source of identity, by being resilient and becoming successful, they become ideal projection screens for the shadows of envy and vitriol in the heart of Rescuers.
And Rescuers are naive Victims, forever being hoodwinked by wolves in sheep’s clothing who play on their guilt and pity.
Good people don’t spend their lives being Rescuers. They get out of the drama. They take responsibility for their lives. They don’t perpetuate social ecosystems that rely on anyone being helpless or anyone being a bad guy. They live respectably and invite those around them to do the same.
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Things are not always as they appear.
Know your shadow, or it will bite you in the ass.
Throughout the horrors of history, very few people believed they were on the wrong side of it.
What makes you certain you’re so much smarter than our ancestors that you can’t be among those who have gotten it wrong? Are you content with the narcissism in that assumption?
Good people question themselves. Scary people cling to ideologies.
I’ll leave you with one of the most important questions that anyone ever asked me:
How do you know you’re on the right side of history?
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If you want to be successful, you must wish others well.
If you want to be successful, you must not hate those who are successful. You must be able to hold the view that a person can be successful and also good; that there is a future version of you worth aspiring toward, who is both a better version of you, and a more successful version of you. These must be harmonious.
If you want to be successful, your compassion must extend toward your future self, wanting the best for that person.
And it must extend toward others, seeing all people equally.
When you see a successful person, your attitude should be one of curiosity, appreciation, and empathy. You must be able to recognize that person as a peer, a likable person, one worth sharing with and learning from.
There is no place for envy or scorn in the life of a person who is both successful and compassionate.
So test the merit of your compassion. To what extent do you wish well upon others? To what extent can you see others as your equals - neither deserving of your pity during apparent hardship, nor of your scorn during apparent affluence? Do you see yourself as having something to learn and something to share with everyone? Can you see the resources and opportunities hidden among the downtrodden, the trials and tribulations concealed within the successful? Can you relate to the humanity within all of it?
And to be successful, and to keep your compassion pure, test the merit of your self-honesty. Are you paying attention to your own experience, or following an established narrative blindly? If a Victim unmasked themselves to be a Perpetrator tomorrow, how easily could you walk away?
